Self change or self acceptance?

Someone you love, someone in your family, a very close friend. Someone who’s opinion means something to you. They tell you or mention to you on more than one occasion that something about you or something that you do should change, bothers them or what they say makes you feel in someway negative. Should you change it or should you not let it impact you because that’s who you are?

I’m not talking about walking past someone and that person telling you that you shouldn’t bite your nails. Someones’ thoughts who in my opinion shouldn’t mean anything because they don’t know you, they don’t know why you do such a thing like biting your nails. Do you do it because it calms you & relieves your anxiety? Who knows, who are they to tell you how to live your life.

Yet the people in your life who do mean something, people who’s opinion you’d listen to, or you would go to for advice. And rather than mentioning something insignificant such as biting your nails they talk about something personal. The way you talk or say something, habit it what you say. Something you do which bothers them or they say “you shouldn’t do that”, should you listen and allow that to effect you? Should we allow these people who are close to us effect us in a negative way because something we do on a day to day basis bothers them? If it’s who you are, part of your personality. Something you’ve been doing your whole life.

Growing up the things we do, see, listen to, the things we are told to & not to do shape us into our own person. We grow into something which is so unique, as humans we become more individualized than a fingerprint and that no two are ever the same.

Should as a person we embrace change? If someone we love tells us we should change or alter something we do because they say so we should say to ourselves “Yes! Maybe I should stop or start doing this”. Or should it be on our terms because we know ourselves more than anyone else does right? Only we can decide who we choose to become as a person.

If that person truly loves us, why should they ask us to change? Surely they would understand that who we are today is who we’ve spent our whole life becoming and growing into. Surely they would appreciate that the things we do are what show our individuality, our fingerprint. We are the ones who do those things that bother them so but it’s ok because that’s who they are.

Is it naive of me to think that people can love every single thing about us, having nothing they don’t love or appreciate about us?

Self acceptance or change?



35 thoughts on “Self change or self acceptance?

  1. It all depends on what it is, if they are asking you to stop doing something because it is or could do you harm like drinking to much, then yes listen and take it on board. If on the other and it is something that makes you you like being opinionated, then no you should stay true to yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes completely agree, maybe should have mentioned that more to make it clearer. As a nurse health promotion is apart of my role. Staying true to yourself! I like it, thanks Tilly 😁😘🌺


  2. Hi Rosie, Some characteristics make us the great individuals we are others may be who we are but they don’t make us better people. I try to view which category my actions, words, etc fall into when a loved one provides me with some positive criticism.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. A little of both, I think. We should all be more accepting of who we really are, but any self-destructive habits or behaviors should likely be changed, for ones own good. Much like most things in life, the answer likely lies somewhere in the middle.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think it depends if the change they’re suggesting will benefit you or them. I’d also consider how the request was phrased. Was it from a place of caring, or was it a criticism? For example, encouraging you to follow doctor’s orders because of a health concern is quite different from telling you to stop snacking so you can drop ten pounds and look better in a bikini. I asked my husband to go to counseling (ie. to change) when I discovered he was engaged in destructive behavior that was negatively impacting our family. He refused, which was his right. Good luck with your situation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, thanks so much for commenting! 😘Amazing points. I never thought of how their phrasing it/asking of the change.
      I hope everything worked out for you! 🌸
      Just burning some midnight thoughts 🤔😂☺️


  5. I really can relate to this a lot.
    For me there I wouldn’t want to change myself for anyone. I’m sure I have tendencies that some people might not like. But that’s okay. Because at the end of the day no one perfect. So people should just accept people for who they are not want to change them.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have lived this myself. My ex-husband would tell me daily he didn’t like x,y, and z about me, my job, my daily habits, etc. I never changed a thing. I would think about what he would say,
    reflect on it, and then decide I was fine just the way I was. This just made him more mad and made him criticize me more. Fast forward a few years…I am now very happily married again and my current husband never ever asks me to change. He accepts me for who I am. To this day I am so glad that I didn’t let my ex-husband drag me down. I am grateful that I remained true to myself because now, not only do I love me, but I have a new husband who loves me more then I love myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, that’s amazing! You should blog about that Lauren! I’m sure so many would love to read including me.. there’s something about reading and being admired by someone’s strength which I love. A lot of people commented on this too so I’m sure they would be interested, I would!

      However that’s amazing how you didn’t change yourself and now your with someone who adores every aspect of you. My fiancé is always saying he loves my imperfections which I love 💕 I’m so glad your happy and with someone who cherishes you 😁 thanks so much for reading and commenting to tell you story Lauren 😘💕🌺

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Maybe one day I will write about it. I don’t mind sharing what happened to me but writing down the details seems so different then just telling someone. Anyways…it was a joy to read your blog!

        Liked by 2 people

  7. A very interesting post with good questions. I believe tolerance is key. Tolerance for the differences in others.
    We all do little things that may grind on those people that we’re close to but is that really that serious?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I live in the deep south. Some people here have no issue telling you how to live or conduct your life. How to think, and what opinions to have. Then they head over the back fence and tell everyone what they told you and your reaction to their advice. Not everyone here is like that, but a good portion still exists. Great post, and a great reminder to all. We should always be self-aware. Someone told me a long time ago when people pick out issues with you, they are merely driven by their own internal need to change themselves.

    Liked by 1 person

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